Two Sundays ago, very early in the morning a representative from a local car dealer parked a 2010 hybrid car in my driveway (you know- the one that celebrities drive to awards shows to show how responsible they are). When I woke up and saw it I was bit confused because… well because there was a 2010 hybrid in my driveway. Then at about 9am I got a knock on my door. It was the owner of the local car dealership who said he could shed a little light on the situation. The following is the conversation that ensued:
Dealer: “I took the liberty of parking a brand new 2010 hybrid in your driveway this morning and wanted to stop by to get your first payment and inform you of all the great features of this car.”
Me: “But I didn’t want a new hybrid… I’m perfectly content with the SUV in my garage”
Dealer: “I appreciate that but there are some other people in this area who’ve told us that they can’t afford an SUV; so in the interest of fairness we’re forcing hybrids on everyone. You’ll be pleased to know that because of some shrewd negotiations, we were able to get you a great deal though…”
Me: “But again, I don’t want a new hybrid… I’m content with the SUV in my garage”
“I don’t think you understand… we’ve decided that you can’t pass up this deal, so for just a mere $82,599 we’ve gone ahead and sold it to you.”
“Wow… it must be a well equipped hybrid… I’ve heard the touring models go for about $30,000? Can I take a test drive?”
“Test drive? Don’t be silly, you won’t be able to drive it until 2014. Also, just so you know, this isn’t the $30,000 touring model… it’s the $22,000 base model. But I’m pleased to announce that your first payment is due today.”
“I’m confused… I’m paying $82,599 for a $22,000 car that I don’t want and that I can’t drive until 2014?”
“That’s right! But wait… there’s more! You won’t believe how wonderful your immediate benefits are and how much money you’re gonna save! For instance: Starting today we are forcing all auto service stations to give you free oil changes… And… get this… from today forward, whether you need it or not, we are asking all mechanics to fix… for no additional cost… all mechanical defects you may be experiencing with your old car! And all this for the low, low price of eighty-two-five-ninety-nine!”
“But if you’re charging me $82,599 for a $22,000 car… a car that I don’t want and can’t drive for four years… how does that save me money?”
“It just does… my accountant who added up the numbers I gave him agrees...
Oh wait I forgot, there’s one more immediate benefit… and this one is probably the best one! For sending in your first payment today… get this… we’ll allow you to store your perishable meat products in the trunk of the car for up to 27 days!”
“Huh? Wouldn’t the meat spoil well before 27 days goes by…? Listen, this doesn’t seem like a good deal for me so… thank you, but I’m not interested.”
“Ok, no problem… just pay the bill… or else…”
Absurd isn’t it? Who would even consider this to be a good deal? A hybrid healthcare law that a majority of Americans didn’t want has been dropped off in everyone’s driveway. And whether you want it or not, you have to pay for it now without being able use it for four years.
Because some of us are confused about why this is a good thing, the President has decided to make a sales pitch to the nation and inform us as to why it is going to be a great deal for everyone, not only in the long run, but in the short term as well. His sales pitch? Starting soon in a doctor’s office near you…1) free preventative care for everyone (and by free he means you won’t have to pay while you are actually standing in the doctor’s office - you’ll just have to pay in the form of higher taxes and healthcare premiums); 2) no discrimination by insurance providers for pre-existing conditions (changing the idea of insurance from individuals paying to insure their risk to corporately pre-paying significantly more today for future services for everyone); and 3) the government will benevolently allow your kids to mooch off you until they’re 27 (at least this will result in higher video game sales in the fat and lazy post-high school sector of the economy). And all this for the low, low price of… a permanent under-funded middle class entitlement that will eventually have to be fully-funded!
I’m not sold…
And yes, I did just compare the 27 year old living in your basement to rotting meat…
1 comment:
I loved it! It is a great parable. I also enjoyed the humor. Keep up the great work.
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